This article, intended for Ashford’s annual magazine was judged a little too seditious and counter-cultural for their publication. Fair ’nuff. Considering that I’m giving expert advice on how to slack off at your employer’s expense, I can understand where Ashford, an internationally respected brand, is coming from. Just imagine the Letter to the Editor feedback!

“Dear Wheel Editor: Thanks so much for that humour article on knitting at work! Incidentally, I was sacked for following that advice and let’s see how funny you think the topic is when I name you in my wrongful dismissal case….”

So I started hunting around for badass, edgy knit mags to pitch it to and I’ve discovered that there really aren’t any. Then I did a face-palm because I realized that I can just publish it myself right here. Duh or what?

Enjoy!

Crafting on Company Time

Don't knit and fly -- but playing with paper dolls in the cockpit is still okay.

Wonder what up to two-thirds of your co-workers are up to? According to one poll, as many as 62 per cent knit or do other crafts at work – and not just on breaks either.

Knitting at work isn’t suitable for all settings. If you are constantly in the public eye or need your hands to, say, do open heart surgery or fly airplanes, don’t even think about it.

That said, most jobs have downtime and scheduled breaks — prime time for knitting. Even so, PLENTY of people will knit at work whenever and where ever they think they can get away with it.

Planning and common sense are the key to knitting at work. If you don’t want to get caught or canned, follow the advice of seasoned  on-the-job knitters and spinners.

Think small
Nothing draws suspicion like a giant tote bag bristling with needles and bulging with yarn. If you can’t fit the finished project into a teapot, don’t bring it to work.

"What am I doing?.....ummmm.....nuthin'....."

Always have a place to quickly – and invisibly – hide your project
Jane Cottrill of Toronto, ON said her years in television were very productive, knitting-wise.

Making hats, mitts, scarves, bracelets and gifts for friends and family members was the only thing that kept her alert (and sane) as she sat in a tiny, airless, room monitoring TV feeds. “On the rare occasions when an executive entered the room, I simply dropped my project under my desk and looked perky,” she said.

If you have an open-sided desk, slip a second waste paper basket underneath it next to your real one; you can bin the evidence in a flash! Keep balls of working yarn in the bin, too, so balls can’t roll away mid-knit!

Be discrete
We all know you’re excited about your sister’s/cousin’s/best friend’s/children’s baby, but don’t show everyone what you’re working on. If you have an office door, close it.

If you work in a cubicle, mount an automotive mirror or other reflective device (sunglasses work and aren’t conspicuous) to your workstation so you’ll see if anyone is creeping up on you.

Never bring knitting to meeting, even an online one; if you can see them, they can most definitely see you. And your lovely sock project.

Be tidy

Nothing screams slacking off like fibre clinging to your clothes, yarn bits around your waste basket, and patterns sitting on the company printer. Don’t work with yarns that shed, and that goes double for spinners: it’s nearly impossible to get fibre off a dark suit. Stow waste yarn and toss it in the trash at home, collect what you print off immediately, and keep a roll of packing tape handy for wardrobe touch-ups. “Leave no trace” is your new mantra.

Be stealthy
They may be small, but even travel-sized wheels may arouse suspicion. Drop spindles are silent. Well, unless you drop them. “If your office isn’t carpeted, spread a thick sweater on the floor before using a drop spindle,” says Knotty by Nature fibre store owner Stephanie Papik, of Victoria, B.C. “When that sucker hits tile or hardwood, it makes an unbelievable clatter…very awkward during conference calls.”

Go legit’
Step out of the shadows and start an office guild – if everyone is knitting, it’s part of the workplace culture! “I have organized and led knitting lessons and workshops and now they’re all hooked,” said Rosanne Bernard of Toronto, ON. “Who can blame me if I have to stop work for a moment to help someone correct a cable?” Eco-friendly and charitible crafting clubs are also very much in vogue and, even better, could tie in with your company’s green or giving strategies.

If you are confronted about your hobby, be upfront and honest. A sympathetic boss might let you bend the rules but if they object, keep your projects at home.